Back On? | chota's Blog

A few weeks later Dad was going away with Dan and his dad with some other mates on a boys weekend so I decided id go see Leon and see what it felt like to be with him again and just enjoy being with him like we used to be and it was just like things had never changed between us. We went up to his brothers flat and boy S ended turning up at some point as well. I had always hated the smell of Grass and when they got onto it made me feel quite sick but I carried on with my vodkas and was enjoying being there in my usual place next to Leon and with the music it was just any other night we had been up there.

At some point the smoke took me over and made me feel extremely ill so I went off to the toilet where I ended up chucking up everything I had eaten in the last year it seemed. I remember Boy S getting all cocky and funny then Leon trying to put me to bed. I knew I didn’t want to go in the bedroom as to me that was now where Leon had cheated on me but he wouldn’t take me downstairs to his dads so I ended up cuddling Leon and crying about what had happened between them until I fell asleep, I felt so ill I couldn’t even move out of somewhere I didn’t want to be.

When I woke up in the morning I went straight into the lounge where boy S and Leons brother were sleeping before saying goodbye to Leon and walking home. I didn’t feel ill anymore though the fact I had been in that room let alone slept on the same bed made me feel so dirty. I should have realised that she would never be out of my mind as long as I was with Leon, maybe sometimes it is better to be lied to and not know the truth, it wouldn’t have put some much hurt in my heart.